Everyone else is doing it!

Apparently not so ambivalent about the parenting after all. Also a convenient excuse for not posting in 18 months (the baby is only 7 months old, but add in pregnancy and the fact that I never posted regularly to begin with and BAM. 18 months.

I'm starting a series of advice to my infant daughter -because I keep thinking of these pearls of wisdom (cliche and otherwise) and I tell her what they are but, she's only 7 months old, so I KNOW it's not sinking in and I don't want to forget them when she's older and will understand.

Today's one is:

Just because everyone else is doing it DOES NOT mean that you should. AKA: If everyone else jumped off of a bridge, would you?

To which the obvious answer (snarkily used by me when my mom would say the aforementioned) is, "depends on the bridge, duh." But removing yourself a little bit from the obvious and it's a great piece of advice. Be yourself, don't let peer pressure make you anything less than yourselves. Advertisers, friends, foes, most of the world works tirelessly to get you to go with the flow and not rock the boat (woohoo water metaphors). Sometimes they are entirely appropriate actions. However, many times they are not. Bridge jumping if you don't want to, no matter the bridge, is not a good idea. Drinking/doing drugs/having sex/getting some sort of body modification from tattoos to plastic surgery to piercings just because all your friends have done so is NOT A VALID REASON. Exploring magic mushrooms to more deeply investigate the spiritual possibilities is a far more valid reason for tripping your ass of than is, "well, Danny was doing it so I did too." Know why you're doing what you're doing (from eating the food you eat to buying a car to taking route A over route B) is invaluable.

Which is a perfect segue to the next piece of advice: Be mindful. To be explored next time. Hopefully sooner than 18 months from now.

Men don't have these problems

I'm going to post comments that I make on other websites that I think are good.

This one is from boston brahmina in response to people being all judgemental on the woman-folk, in particular M.I.A. performing at the Grammys in all her pregnant glory (something I did not see and really don't have an opinion about - but apparently loads of people do).

Ya know, we’re just damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Women who don’t have or don’t want children are given a hard time for missing out on the one thing their bodies were designed for. Woman who do have children can be called selfish for bringing yet another human into this over crowded world when there are already tons of humans who need some love. Women who have abortions are cruel and don’t believe in the sanctity of life. Women who destroy froze totsicles are baby killers. Women who use all said totsicles are discussed AD NAUSEUM by every Tom, Dick, Harry, Mary and Ann. Breastfeeding in public - no way! Use a bottle - don’t you know breastmilk is best??? And the dirt issue, the pre-pre-pre-pre school issue, the work or stay home issue. This could take days. I’m stopping now.

What’s a girl to do?

And, bet your ass if men were the ones having babies, NONE of this would ever be an issue. (Provided that men as procreaters (sp?) wouldn’t just flip the balance of power to women, thereby essentially making women men and men women.)

Also, I would not be against hearing your take on the aforementioned case of the utilization of all your totsicles (which are embryos in the freezer).

Babies...other peoples

I have long maintained that I am ambivalent about parenting/becoming a parent/having children and or motherhood. So what does the fact that the majority of my bookmarked blogs are parenting blogs say about my stance?

I don't know.

Les Miserables

A friend posted on Facebook that she was attending a showing of Les Mis and it brought back the following story. Notes: I was a musical geek and a bunch of my friends were too. I had seen Phantom like 3 times by this point, probably Miss Saigon and Kiss of the Spider Woman - Les Mis was what I was missing.

I fell asleep when I saw it. Ooops. I've always loved the songs so I had the soundtrack FOREVER (This was senior year of h.s.) and I liked to sleep to it - I don't know why. Then it came to Boston and my friend and I got tickets (separate seats, there were actually 4 of us) and it was the night after prom. I had gone to bed at like 6am and then gone to some track meet for heaven knows what reason and then come home for Les Mis. We left. Were supposed to go to dinner in Boston before the show but we got there and I had forgotten my ticket. We went home (like 1/2 hour, faster cause Patrick was driving and pissed), got my ticket, ate at McDonalds on the way back and made it in time for the show. I went to my seat, everyone else went to theirs and they came to see me at intermission and I was sound asleep and snoring. But I've since seen it on PBS and enjoyed it :-)

I'll probably come back and edit this later. But it's a funny story to have saved somewhere.

The Last 20 Years

So, I read an old(ish) blog entry at the Letter B today about a 20 year reunion and the 1 paragraph life summary that would be given at such event. I'm a wee bit younger than the Letter B, so 20 years ago I was not graduating from high school, nor was I in high school. I was 11 (or 12) depending on when you're counting from and how old I think I am today...I'm 31. I swear I was just 25 and sometimes I wake up and think I'm 32. I don't know. Right. Onward.

I give you my life since the age of 11 (or 12 - ish):

Finished up 6, 7, & 8th grade at St. Patrick School in Lawrence, MA. Ever the rebel child, I did not matriculate to either of the all-female Catholic high schools in the area but instead went to Lawrence High (where I was assured I would not last and people had been shot). Had a great time in high school - managed the volleyball, wrestling & baseball teams, was involved, got good grades, acted in some non-school plays, goofed off. Graduated high school 3rd in my class (or 4th or 2nd, it doesn't really matter, does it?) - and went off to Tulane University in New Orleans for college. (It was a tie between Hamilton in upstate NY and Tulane...parents said that they could not picture me in NOLA - plus I think they were having a pretty good shooting year. Picked Tulane - this is a theme). Hated it for the first semester. Stubborn bitch that I am told myself I would stay for a full year. It is a well known fact that you cannot hate New Orleans during the 2nd semester or spring - because you have the Super Bowl (which actually took place in NOLA twice while I was there), then MARDI GRAS, then St. Patrick's Day, Spring Break and JAZZFEST and then you're done. It's a veritable whirlwind of activity. Came home and worked my summer job (woohoo York Beach Dairy Bar - from age 14 to age 22) - went back to Tualne. Managed the volleyball team and traveled all around - not as fun as in high school, involved lots of laundry. Again, fall semester, not my favorite but knew spring was coming. Nothing really exciting for the next couple of years. Learned to love New Orleans, made some excellent friends, worked in Maine in the summers, graduated from college. One last summer in Maine. Moved back to New Orleans - worked at Tulane, O'flaherty's, and Margaritaville (among others that I would sooner forget) - not the best use of a BA in Art History, was desperately poor and had a fantastic time. Took up with a Rock Band (Tom's House), played mom, girlfriend or wife as was called for - icky girl won't leave: girlfriend or wife; need to go home already: mom. Met some super duper cool people. Moved home in 2002 after losing forgetable job. Lived with parents, worked at hotel in Boston (as a glorified secretary, again, not the best use of a college degree or MY college degree). Moved out of parents' house and into the apartment of my now husband. Started dating husband. Got a dog. Went to NOLA as much as possible. Scammed me a job at Jazzfest working security. Got engaged. Had THE BEST Wedding in NOLA in June of 2007. Quit/lost hotel job in August 2007, enrolled in a master's program for secondary education at UMass Boston in January of 2008. Now it's Christmas 2008, almost finished with my masters and getting a little antsy for a trip to NOLA but it's almost Jazzfest.

El fin.

NaBloPoMo

I am totally bummed by the end of NaBloPoMo! Not because I was writing every day, because I obviously was not. But because so many of the blogs I follow were updated every day and then, come the first of December, POOF. I'm going through withdrawal and it ain't pretty!!

College is not for everyone and not going to college is not a sign of failure

A comment I posted on Boston.com in response to an article further condemning our elementary, middle and high schools because all of those students who finished with their secondary education and moved on to college did not necessarily get a degree. I maintain that a college degree or a high school diploma are not, in themselves, measures of success. Instead, it is the student who is evidence of success or failure in how she feels about her life, what her goals are and how prepared and realistic she is to meet and exceed those goals.

College has been touted for years as the be all and end all for students. Those who do not go are considered losers or not worthy.

The truth is college is NOT for everyone. The fact that every student who attends college does not complete college is not a sign of a failing school system, except in the fact that that system pushed and pushed and pushed students towards college when those students were feeling pulled in another direction.

The fact that Bill Gates did not finish college is not a poor reflection on his high school but a reflection of Bill Gates, he knew what he wanted, he knew how to get it and he did. That is how we should look at our students. No, they will not all become the next Bill Gates, but they probably wouldn't be the next Bill Gates if they finished college either. College is a hugely expensive investment that is not for everyone and leaves many (graduates and non-graduates alike) with nothing but a huge mountain of debt.

You can be successful without college and it's time we stopped pushing it so much to everyone. Now, it is not for the teachers, administrators, parents, etc to make that decision but if a child feels she should go to college (or wants to) and is able, she should. If she feels like college isn't for her and she has other plans, she should be able to make that decision. What's the point of thousands, tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars spent or debt incurred if all along the student knew she wanted to be a fire fighter, or a hairdresser, or something else? Or she didn't know WHAT she wanted to be but went and dutifully got her degree only having to re-do it later when her true passions emerged?